Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:2
Shame is referred to at least 128 times in the Bible and is dealt with as a key theme on God’s heart, I believe because it is such a vital topic for his people. Brene Brown, PhD writes, “To feel shame is to be human”. Shame has been called by Jean-Paul Sartre “a hemorrhage of the soul”. And, “It is an awful experience to be aware that we are seen as deficient and undesirable by someone whom we hope will deeply enjoy us”. Shame as defined by Merriam-Webster is: painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming or impropriety and condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute. Biblically, shame is related to the response Adam and Eve had in the garden after they sinned and then went to cover themselves by sewing together fig leaves Genesis 3:7-10. The Hebrew word is “buwsh” which means to be disappointed, delayed, or to pale (as in feel sick/shame). Deuteronomy 32:5 the word is “m’uwm” which is: to stain, a blemish, blot or spot. 1 Samuel 20:30 uses “ervah” which means: nudity, figuratively (disgrace, blemish), naked or unclean. Psalm 69:8 uses, “kelimmah” which means disgrace, confusion and dishonor, reproach, to wound, to taunt or insult, to be put in confusion. Daniel 12:2 uses the word, “cherpah” defined as: contumely (having to do with insolent or insulting language or treatment), to pull off or to expose and defame.
All through the Scriptures we see men and women alike fighting with everything in themselves to stave off the feelings and destruction of shame, and quite often failing. In Genesis 4 Cain offers an unacceptable sacrifice and responds with a “downcast” face when the LORD confronts his lack of heart. Rather than repent, he chose to try and cover his shame by murdering his brother, thinking that would elevate his esteem by angrily “killing off” a source of his shame. In 1 Samuel 10-21 we see the plight of shame take out Saul. Although he could have been great, Saul begins his leadership hiding in the baggage in shame. Then he offers burnt offerings without Samuel and is faced with the shame of his ultra-prideful sin. Rather than own the sin, Saul blames Samuel and the men attempting to not face the shame. In the first century church we find Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5 driven by the lust for acceptance, letting the shame of not really having a sold-out heart cause them to sin against the Holy Spirit and then face the horrific consequences. Amazingly, even fighting off shame feels shameful. It is a woeful situation that can seem impossible to navigate. In an article by Jessie Sholl she notes that, analysts have called shame “the swampland of the soul”. The grave danger of getting caught in the morass of shame is not to be underestimated.
Personally, I faced the hurt of my parent’s divorce and some forms of sexual abuse that came in that time that warped my thinking…further adding to the shame I carried deep inside. At eight years old and only in the second grade I have my first vivid memories of shame. It was time for the Christmas choir try outs and my turn came. We all sang three at a time and although I could sing some, the other poor little kids could not. Needless to say we butchered the song and rather than a bit of encouragement for second graders, my teacher stopped abruptly and turned around yelling at the three of us. She said, “You kids cannot sing! What are you doing here?” I was humiliated and shamed so much that I did not sing aloud again until the 7th grade and then only in the privacy of my room. Later at 16, I was attentive and inquisitive at Sunday school so the Youth Minister thought I could do a great job teaching a short class. I agreed and so the pain began. There was such a fear in my heart that my “lesson” would be terrible and sure enough…it was. After 10-12 minutes of unintelligible thoughts about 1 Peter the minister graciously “ended things” and I was so ashamed I didn’t even want to come back to church. These few and seemingly mild situations pale in comparison to what so many have endured and yet affected me for years.
Shame drove me to achieve so many of the greatest accomplishments of my life…for fear of “looking stupid or weak”, I became a perfectionist or didn’t try at all. It became part of me and seemed to dictate my every move, my thoughts and most aspects of each relationship I had. Shame was loyal and stuck around like that annoying person you cannot stand who flat out disturbs you but they just won’t leave. I, like many, lived in the swampland of the soul and there certainly was a hemorrhaging of what was left. Without the Word of God, amazing disciples to be there for me and our amazing Father who is the healer of broken souls…I might not be here today. How then do we deal with shame, this devastating tool of the enemy? We must learn to fight shame as Jesus did…and he had victory!
To further understand and be prepared we must distinguish between shame and guilt. Shame is about self and leads us to believe we are bad, different and unworthy. It is fear based and attacks our self-worth. Guilt on the other hand is about actions. It is a potentially productive response as it shows us we violated a moral code and that our behavior must be modified because there is a God-designed standard we have broken. Guilt can lead to repentance and thus save you while shame can take you out destroying your very soul. Brene Brown, PhD, LMSW writes, “We tend to associate shame with major trauma or a defining negative event- an abusive childhood, a painful addiction, a seemingly intractable pile of credit card debt- but the experience of feeling unworthy is universal, no matter what hides out in our past. Everyone, save for sociopaths, experiences some degree of shame. And this messy emotion turns up in the most “familiar places, including appearance, body image, family, parenting, money and work, health, addiction, sex, aging, and religion.”
Kevin Roberts, a counselor who grew up in an alcoholic home and who wrote Movers, Dreamers, and Risk Takers says, “To compensate, we scramble to cover up our perceived flaws by engaging in a long list of broken behaviors, including blaming and shaming other, perfectionism, lying, and hiding out. (Very high levels of shame are associated with more serious problems like addiction, eating disorders, and suicide.) Shame, in other words, causes us to act in ways that keep us from so many of the good things we want in life- forward movement, freedom from fear…” Shame can destroy a sense of purpose and a love of life leading to depression and so many other destructive behaviors. In regard to shame, Linda M. Hartling, PhD and director of Human Dignity and Humiliation Studies writes, “The three most common ways people defend themselves against this uncomfortable feeling: moving away from others by withdrawing, being silent, and keeping secrets; moving toward unhealthy relationships by trying to appease and people-please; and moving against others by being aggressive and trying to restore one’s dignity by overpowering others (fighting shame with shame)”.
Some of the most shamed men I have ever met come across super aggressive, angry and controlling when deep inside they are filled with the fear they could be shamed again by a situation or a person. Their tendency is to “strike first” so others cannot have the upper hand and bring the pain back. Dr. Lynne Namka writes, “Other defenses of shame include macho behavior, intellectualization and shutting down feelings. Controlling, blaming, criticizing or feeling superior to others are common defenses to avoid feelings of shame. Engaging in excessive use of alcohol, substances and addictive behavior may be an indicator of shame. Drunken behavior may then cause more shame. Engaging in behaviors that society frowns upon creates more guilt and shame”. Sadly, we are willing to sin and sin gravely because of our shame. The “fig leaf escape plan” that started in the garden is a self-defense mechanism that all mankind seems to move toward to try and avoid the pain and humiliation of shame. Clearly this did not help Adam and Eve, rather it was part of the destruction from their sin and ruined their relationship with God and got them removed from the Garden! This will not help us but some psychologists have postulated that this is simply a “fight or flight” reaction, an attempt to protect ourselves. Jessie Sholl in her article entitled Shutting Shame Down writes, “This might be why some people still believe this negative feeling “keeps us in line” by serving as a type of emotional course correction, or even a teaching tool- think dunce caps or sitting in the corner. Research, however, has shown that shame does just the opposite: it clouds good judgment, skews perception, and drives destructive and unhealthy behavior”.
In the same way as doctors and researchers have determined, the Bible is clear that God does not intend for His people to live in shame. 1 Peter 2:4-6 As you come to him, the living Stone — rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For in Scripture it says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” The key to overcoming shame is to trust in Jesus, our cornerstone. He truly is the ROCK on which we can build our spiritual houses and thus overcome the destruction that the dead end of shame brings.
Interestingly, in Luke 4:1-15 Jesus is sent by the Holy Spirit to be tempted by Satan while fasting for forty days. The devil goes immediately after Jesus’ self-worth with comments like, “If you are the Son of God”. That two letter word, “if”, was specifically designed to cause Jesus to feel shame and to turn from the protection of His Father. Jesus is tempted multiple times and does NOT give in to Satan’s ploy. Rather, he fights off the attacks by standing on the ROCK of the Word of God. Jesus wins against the temptations in powerful fashion and returns to Galilee to start his ministry “in the power of the Spirit”! Although the devil finished, he was determined and “left him until an opportune time”. That final time came on the day of His crucifixion. Matthew, Mark and Luke all note that the soldiers cast lots to win his clothes. Matthew 27:31 says, “After they mocked (shamed) him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him”. John is more specific as it says in chapter 19:23 “When the soldiers crucified Jesus, they took his clothes, divided them into four shares, one for each of them, with the undergarment remaining. This garment was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom. ‘Let’s not tear it,” they said to one another. ‘Let’s decide by lot who will get it’.” Showing that our Lord died on the cross totally uncovered, bare, and utterly shamed.
This horrible shameful event is done in full view of the entire world to show the determination of Jesus our Lord to die in our place and take our shame upon him. Rather than running to the world for comfort or to our sinful nature to “strike back” at anyone or anything that could cause us shame, we simply need to hide in the shadow of his wings Psalm 17:8 knowing that Jesus has taken our shame away. 1 Peter 2:4 shows, that we are “rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him”. The power of the cross takes us back to the garden before the fall and gives us back the courage and confidence lost due to sin. Adam and Eve stood before God naked and had no shame. The Lord wants us to know Shame is Supplanted by Grace! Jesus endured the cross (he suffered for our actions) but scorned (definition: exercise mind and mentally disposed of, despised & disesteemed) the cross, an attack on his very life. He scorned its shame showing us that rather than crumbling from shame we are to embrace the grace of God where “in him we will never be put to shame”.
“Grace” by U2 (edited for content)
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace
It’s a name for a girl
It’s also a thought that
Changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness
In everything
Grace
When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty
In everything
Grace
She carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips
Between her fingertips
She carries a pearl
In perfect condition
What once was hers
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stains
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things
Grace finds beauty
In everything
He stoops down to make us great,
Matt Sullivan
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